MONEY, a cultural taboo!!

 

We've heard people say that there is only one path to success and happiness. Going to school, getting good grades, getting into a good college, graduating to get a job, finding your partner, getting promoted, buying a car, a home and one day you will be happy. Like everyone I too am following that path and through all the trials and tribulations the financial disasters and successes. I realised that discussion about life milestones was actually a discussion about money. So, why is it that we talk religiously about achieving all these in life, avoiding the topic that runs it - M.O.N.E.Y. The reason behind why are we taught history and chemistry but not about Banking and investments. The topic of money impacting our abilities to have the best of lives is avoided. We are indirectly having these conversations about money already by the clothes we wear, the cars we drive, the homes we live in and the photos we share on social media ! #just_saying 

Financial knowledge is life-changing and has empowered me to get from where I was to where I am today. Let’s understand and break the social taboo about money beginning with asking ourselves “WHAT IS MONEY TO US?”. Most of us have answers as common to:

1) Money is power 

2) Money is evil 

3) Money makes me feel good 

4) Money is something that is necessary 

The answer to that question explains  your relationship with money . Eliminating that any of those answers are wrong but simply money is a tool we need and we need to master earning it.  In order for us to achieve our best lives, we do not think of money as something more than a tool. But a tool that we need in order to build the life we dreamt of.The life that would make us proud so making us assume that money is a very complicated topic. Though there are simple truths about money which we fail to see, understand and imply in our lives. Here are five practices: 

1. Save more than you can spend. 

2. Invest early and frequently. 

3. Pay the debt and use credit occasionally. 

4. Build assets 

5. Have multiple and passive incomes. 

SIMPLE & EASY !

Financial Well Being 

Money, well being and financial wellness is something that empowers every individual. It sparks the curiosity when it funnels down to a fairly misunderstood concept that it's boring or it's not engaging enough. Everyone of us has either bought our friends a drink or split it. We tend to split the bill to a limit  where we had a salad and the friend had an appetiser wit dessert for dinner. The philosophy of purposeful living can be achieved through financial decision making. Financial wellness is about our health, wealth and the overall quality of life. It is has never been financial goals on the contrary it is about life goals. Let’s close our eyes, envision our dream lifestyle and ask ourselves: “What brings joy and happiness into my life?” 

We start thinking about our current financial realities - monthly instalments to the car, calling debtors, need of taking care of our ageing parents and their health care expenses. The chances are having thoughts about our financial situation but unable to think about the dream lifestyle. If there were no income goals or financial obligations how we spend our time defines our values and we trade our time for a pay check. We work 8 hours a day and five days a week for it ignoring the truth of loosing on something more priceless being our lives. The thought of expenses that do not matter to us makes it a complete waste. Therefore, what a waste of lives.

 How we knew everything about money?

1. Our parents must have taken out time and explained us through their learnings and definitions about money.

2. We are fortunate enough to take birth in a wealthy family.

It was easier for my parents to talk about religion, politics, career options and future responsibilities. Parents are hard-working, they make sure that we as their children have the best of food, shelter and clothes to wear whereas, they did not want us to think about money terming it as an offence. I still remember the day of my first pay check ,I held it in my hand and stared at it thinking I had my own money and I didn't have to go to my parents asking them.  Growing up I believed that money is the only answer to all problems leading me chasing money instead of chasing the purpose of life. I cleared entrance exams for admission and that followed an internship leading to multiple jobs. Motive was to stay happy one day!

With the past and present I had many unspoken realities, I started blogging. My family always wanted to know my plan for life because the goal is to provide access and information, to be open about my story. After spending years meeting people, jobs, failures and experiences I realised that the secrets of financial wellness and well-being is having a VISION for our lives. That vision can change our hopes and dreams. In our thoughts it is important when we are talking about money we need to clarify our values. We need a financial plan in order to do so.

I want to close off by mentioning that one Sunday Morning rides, we had been to a place nearby called the fog city, Igatpuri. It is indeed a beautiful place and I remember standing there staring out into the mountain range and seeing the morning dew. I was completely fascinated like I can be here forever. Well until that moment of mine was disrupted when two ridding pals said this is the same thing over and over again. As we were about to leave, I realised that we could be listening, watching or experiencing a repetitive or similar expression directly depends on how we perceive it. For the matter of fact, how we perceive that can be quite different. My learnings for that day was “Our perception is what matters and we can change our perspectives. When it comes to money we clear about our financial situation. As we accept that reality we start sharing our financial stories of success and failure.We give hope out to others where hope is hearing other people's experiences. Our ability to share the information or experiences to others empowers individuals. Now is when they realise that their situation is not something without a solution. I challenge you today to break the social taboo about money, free yourself from any shame, guilt or judgment you have had about your finances. Give hope to others and to yourself too. Believe that knowledge is power and financial knowledge is life-changing. This realisation mere understanding will make you happy that very moment. 

AN INFECTION FORM REJECTION

There is an epidemic that has invaded the environment of every one of us. It is often undetected, undiagnosed and underestimated. It is AN INFECTION FROM REJECTION. There are many who will not agree to the epidemic overlooking the fact that it is universal & unavoidable. No matter who you are, how much have you accomplished unenviably have to deal with the reality of rejection. It is not hidden any more that every Perfect Person who has walked on the face of Earth has not dealt with rejection. Successful Businessmen, Political Leaders and Idolised Personalities in the alive or dead long back in history. They have always felt|did|said what was needed and have treated people the way they were supposed to be treated reciprocating to which people have rejected them sometime or the other. If these people have faced rejection then there are no other logical reasons that everyone of us are dealing with rejection too. 

Denied a job or promotion, broken up or failed to impress a prospect life partner,  not making it to the college/school football team or stated not eligible for a  scholarship. These are some commonly at general spaces everyone has currently or earlier has faced. Rejection is a refusal from someone else's part to show acceptance. People may sometimes accept you for the person you are and reject you for the person you aren't. In case of hiring sales executives, companies seek self-motivated and energetic personalities and avoid hiring people who are constantly seeking guidance. 

'Rejection' has its roots in Latin meaning 'to throw backwards', appropriately used to put us back by pulling us down to reach our potentials and change/improve our realities of life. Rejection is a very effective weapon to wound the SOUL and shatter SELF-CONFIDENCE. The wound of rejection is not visible but it bleeds internally making it an undetected haemorrhage of emotions growing inside. The wounds may self-heal but infections do not. Infection from rejection don’t show up in form of puss like usual infections do but they show up in personalities. 

Carrying a bad attitude, being careless, being emotionless, being dismissive, refusal for acceptance, people pleasing tendency and the purpose dependent on someone else’s pleasure is not rejection it is AN INFECTION FROM REJECTION. 

The inclination to be a saviour and take all responsibilities of saving the day for every single person by virtue of over committing or over extending yourself under the pressure or just expectations and finally helping people who don’t even want to help themselves is not  just rejection it is AN INFECTION FROM REJECTION. 

Similarly, the apprehensiveness that doesn't allow you to use the knowledge,  talent and potentials are not personality traits but they are a stimulus reaction to AN INFECTION FROM REJECTION.

 

We mostly do not care about everybody's perseverance about us but it hurts when rejection comes from the people we value the most. Just because someone seems to be quiet doesn’t mean she/he is not injured and considering them not gifted with unique strengths. Some people can be annoyed, affected and on the other hand being so dysfunctional, competitive, jealous and manipulative. Simply because they are confused subjecting them to an abusive situation and tolerating it as well because they can not live without being needed. We realise getting abused but we accept it as we don’t want to lose them as they are so important to us. We develop something known as  SELECTIVE CONFLICT AVOIDANCE and we do not realise that their rejection is not our responsibility because they rejecting speaks more about them than it does about us. Rejection can be a result of their vision but not our values. Moreover, a rejection can be the result of you succeeding reflecting their failures. Sometimes there is nothing wrong with us actually, we seem to be a reflection for something that happened to us and not to them. We weren’t created imperfect or with an acceptance defect, it is we who seek acceptance fearing an Infection from Rejection. We need to tell ourselves daily “I AM NOT PERFECT BUT I AM ENOUGH” and make sure that we believe in ourselves creating a light that will light up the darkest place where rejection has infected us. When we are told we are not good enough, not smart enough and a misfit these are genuinely lies said reminding us about the existence of an Infection from Rejection.

Concluding by saying no one is born perfect nor a misfit. The very existence is a miracle itself indicating how special, talented and blessed that person is to be chosen for the very situation he/she has taken birth. Let's not fear rejection believing approvals and rejections are not something we humans can judge. Its a negative tool used against every possibility of our success hurting someones self respect where they had failed. 

SELF LOVE

 

Have you ever asked yourself “what defines me as a person and makes me the person I am”? Most of us characterise ourselves through a physical image of our profession, bank balance and mostly on what are people's opinion about us. We initially determine ourselves through three things termed as people’s opinion about us, our personality and physical appearance (physique for boys | figure for girls) and our relationships. The very initial need of pleasing people ti make everyone to like us. The more likeable we are the chances of us being needed, important and popular. Shaping us to a person that everyone would like. Simply said a life on opinion of others. It goes relentlessly immoral when we indulge in attaining the perfect physique/figure by dieting and cutting down on our meals. Furthermore getting in a relationship where we believe happiness comes from that one person we are affectionate to and we manage to pressurise them to be everything to us in exchange of making us feel worthy. Resulting the relationship to end and leaving us devastating/heart broken. So, broken that we lose our sense of identity, the only reason being that we do not know ourselves at all. 

 

Going forward we heal ourselves listening to positive affirmations, reading motivational books and seeking methods to find our happiness for ourselves. Thus, realising our capabilities of being our own self. To rectify our earlier mistakes of letting these things to control and consume our lives we seek happiness around these things and never ever seem to find it. Overlooking the fact that happiness is something we create on our terms for ourselves. The world that we live in is something we create for ourselves regardless to worldly society we actually live in. It’s about an individual's world each and every one of us experiences. This is where we shape ourselves, our worlds and our lives too. There is only one part of the universe we can all be certain about changing and that’s ourselves. 

 

Self-love is a state of appreciation for oneself that grows from actions that support our physical, psychological and spiritual growth. Self-love means having high regards to your own well-being and happiness, taking care of your own needs and not to sacrifice it to please others. Self-love means not settling for less than you deserve.

I came across a wonderful book named Fifteen Invaluable Laws by John Maxwell. The writer summarising facts we often ignore quotes “As children our bodies grow automatically a year goes by we get taller we become stronger become capable of doing more things facing new challenges. But a lot of us carry a subconscious belief into adulthood. That spiritual, mental and emotional growth occurs automatically too”. Personal growth has to be intentional and we need to take ownership of our growth process because we do not simply improve by coincidence. It's only when we focus our energy on getting to know and spending more time by ourselves resulting in learning more about ourselves. We need to make ourselves a priority in our lives and self-discovery is the best gift we can present ourselves.

 

Many people may think putting ourselves first is being selfish but it actually means taking a stand, looking at yourself saying “I will do everything in my power to see myself succeed and fulfil my dreams. I am going to make the best choices in my life, surround myself with self-chosen correct people that add value to me”. Once we decide to love who we are, we can take that self-love and spread it to other's. Without self-love, we are limiting our ability to add ourselves into lives of other people and add value to them. Living the best version of our self inspires other people to follow to live their best version as well. 

 

The relationship we have with ourselves is priority and important. It is how we see and treat ourselves reciprocating to how we treat other people. It is irrational to give love to other's when we don’t love our selves first. We must now think of every person that surrounds us asking ourselves “are these people adding value or helping me grow into the person I wish to become”. Then finally ask to ourselves “am I adding value to me?” These two questions are crucial since people we are alongside life has major impact and influence in our personality, growth and development. Nevertheless, we ourself are the biggest impact and influence dwellers in our lives. 

So, if the answer to these two questions is NO, then let's decide today that we go through a transformation. If you decide to take that transformation do not just place a small amount of value to yourself since it is guaranteed that the world will not raise your worth. KNOW YOUR OWN SELF-WORTH. Concluding on a positive note, let’s start focusing, developing and improving ourselves for good thing will surely come along. It is about time you notice the gap between where you are currently and where you see yourself can be achieved only with constant growth. This thing called life happening alongside is genuinely difficult yet worth living. Wishing you all a life where you have high regards for yourself, prioritise yourself and appreciate your gift called life. Love yourself and the world will love you back inevitably.

ADDICTION FOR APPROVAL

Is seeking approvals an addiction, Really? 

This can be the first question you may consider reading the title of the blog. The answer to this quarry is ABSOLUTELY YES, MOST OF US ARE ADDICTED TO IT. 

Approvals can have impacts on people more than addiction to substances. People get the momentum on approvals from others defining ‘how a person feels about you’. It is a sense where we consciously suggest that “the way I feel about ME is based on how somebody else feels about ME and it is somebody else’s feeling much more valuable than yours.”This is because we have given the power to someone to think and change our thinking and decision-making abilities and this is called APPROVAL ADDICTION. 

Approval Addiction is an expression to an infection from rejection where it doesn’t make us bleed physically but emotionally it hurts a lot. It is interesting for people who think they have a personality type that does not make us an approval addiction, instead of meeting our own needs we are accommodating others preferences. We end up giving people what they want and not something they need. This satisfies our need for attention more than assistance. So instead of meeting their needs we are accommodating their preferences because our activity although from the outside looks we are doing it for them wherein from the inside we are doing it for ourselves. We give them help they give us compliments, approvals and getting a feel of being needed.

 

The feeling of being not needed or rejection is FEAR. Approval Addiction follows Passive Aggressiveness as well, we keep stuffing feelings within because there is conflict avoidance as we don’t want to say what we feel because we don’t want to offend the source and pleasure we receive of being NEEDED. So, we choose to rather feel the discomfort with our feelings than dealing with the possibility of rejection. We tend to suppress discomforting feelings repeatedly then the outcomes is inevitable. When we don’t show our expressions where they should be expressed and control them, they come out when they shouldn’t be expressed and are out of our control. When we should be talking about an issue in this year but we start going all the way back from 2010 coming on to every suppressed feeling. This is genuinely because we are ready dealing with the discomfort in dysfunctionality rather than the possibility of they rejecting us then.

 

“I feel what I feel but I won’t say what I feel”, this plays with every aspect of our lives. It will troll professionally and torture socially and it will make us feel miserable in every relationship whatsoever. Every relation is on reciprocity, freely expressing needs and expressions. This is a vicious circle where we are when its needed by somebody more than anybody really needing it protecting our necessity of being needed. The struggle to keep up with being needed complements an ANGER. Anger here is the secondary expression for instance first we are cheated then is when we are angry.

 

We cannot realize unless we are in denial and at some point, people need to admit that “what people think about me extremely matters”. Recalling an action we took when the inner conscious asked us to do something nevertheless we did something else to avoide being rejected. Many of us aspire to lead and some are already leading. It is a difficult situation here as leading principal says YOU DO NOT LEAD THE ONES YOU NEED. When you need the ones you lead they are helping you where it should have been the other way around meaning that rather than guiding them we will be accommodating their needs. If we do not take control of this behavior of ours it limits our true potentials in life. So, when we want to be in demand we need to understand that every day I am making decisions that is disappointing people because if we have to reject offers and opportunities everybody is not going to be motivated. Leading we will except every opportunity, respond to every request helping everybody not realizing that we didn’t live life for ourselves. Three things people with approval addiction face on a regular basis:

1.    Suffering abuse from the ones being satisfied.

2.    Having many useless people in their life.

3.    Pursuing other people’s preferences ignoring own purpose.

 

Now realizing that Approval Addiction blinds us and puts excuses in our tongue so that we don’t see the real side of people and make excuse we needing their approval. It is essential that we stop wasting our time trying to DELIGHT PEOPLE that is to accomplish something that cannot be accomplished. Contribute the best to satisfy them and they will have complained to counter remembering the times we have failed to deliver.

 

I wish each one of us get rid of APPROVAL ADDICTION. Most of us are and don’t really realize suffering. Let’s declare that we will jump into a sea of possibilities we haven’t considered or heard before for betterment of our quality of life and aiming to achieve goals set by us seeking no approvals.