AN INFECTION FORM REJECTION

There is an epidemic that has invaded the environment of every one of us. It is often undetected, undiagnosed and underestimated. It is AN INFECTION FROM REJECTION. There are many who will not agree to the epidemic overlooking the fact that it is universal & unavoidable. No matter who you are, how much have you accomplished unenviably have to deal with the reality of rejection. It is not hidden any more that every Perfect Person who has walked on the face of Earth has not dealt with rejection. Successful Businessmen, Political Leaders and Idolised Personalities in the alive or dead long back in history. They have always felt|did|said what was needed and have treated people the way they were supposed to be treated reciprocating to which people have rejected them sometime or the other. If these people have faced rejection then there are no other logical reasons that everyone of us are dealing with rejection too. 

Denied a job or promotion, broken up or failed to impress a prospect life partner,  not making it to the college/school football team or stated not eligible for a  scholarship. These are some commonly at general spaces everyone has currently or earlier has faced. Rejection is a refusal from someone else's part to show acceptance. People may sometimes accept you for the person you are and reject you for the person you aren't. In case of hiring sales executives, companies seek self-motivated and energetic personalities and avoid hiring people who are constantly seeking guidance. 

'Rejection' has its roots in Latin meaning 'to throw backwards', appropriately used to put us back by pulling us down to reach our potentials and change/improve our realities of life. Rejection is a very effective weapon to wound the SOUL and shatter SELF-CONFIDENCE. The wound of rejection is not visible but it bleeds internally making it an undetected haemorrhage of emotions growing inside. The wounds may self-heal but infections do not. Infection from rejection don’t show up in form of puss like usual infections do but they show up in personalities. 

Carrying a bad attitude, being careless, being emotionless, being dismissive, refusal for acceptance, people pleasing tendency and the purpose dependent on someone else’s pleasure is not rejection it is AN INFECTION FROM REJECTION. 

The inclination to be a saviour and take all responsibilities of saving the day for every single person by virtue of over committing or over extending yourself under the pressure or just expectations and finally helping people who don’t even want to help themselves is not  just rejection it is AN INFECTION FROM REJECTION. 

Similarly, the apprehensiveness that doesn't allow you to use the knowledge,  talent and potentials are not personality traits but they are a stimulus reaction to AN INFECTION FROM REJECTION.

 

We mostly do not care about everybody's perseverance about us but it hurts when rejection comes from the people we value the most. Just because someone seems to be quiet doesn’t mean she/he is not injured and considering them not gifted with unique strengths. Some people can be annoyed, affected and on the other hand being so dysfunctional, competitive, jealous and manipulative. Simply because they are confused subjecting them to an abusive situation and tolerating it as well because they can not live without being needed. We realise getting abused but we accept it as we don’t want to lose them as they are so important to us. We develop something known as  SELECTIVE CONFLICT AVOIDANCE and we do not realise that their rejection is not our responsibility because they rejecting speaks more about them than it does about us. Rejection can be a result of their vision but not our values. Moreover, a rejection can be the result of you succeeding reflecting their failures. Sometimes there is nothing wrong with us actually, we seem to be a reflection for something that happened to us and not to them. We weren’t created imperfect or with an acceptance defect, it is we who seek acceptance fearing an Infection from Rejection. We need to tell ourselves daily “I AM NOT PERFECT BUT I AM ENOUGH” and make sure that we believe in ourselves creating a light that will light up the darkest place where rejection has infected us. When we are told we are not good enough, not smart enough and a misfit these are genuinely lies said reminding us about the existence of an Infection from Rejection.

Concluding by saying no one is born perfect nor a misfit. The very existence is a miracle itself indicating how special, talented and blessed that person is to be chosen for the very situation he/she has taken birth. Let's not fear rejection believing approvals and rejections are not something we humans can judge. Its a negative tool used against every possibility of our success hurting someones self respect where they had failed. 

SELF LOVE

 

Have you ever asked yourself “what defines me as a person and makes me the person I am”? Most of us characterise ourselves through a physical image of our profession, bank balance and mostly on what are people's opinion about us. We initially determine ourselves through three things termed as people’s opinion about us, our personality and physical appearance (physique for boys | figure for girls) and our relationships. The very initial need of pleasing people ti make everyone to like us. The more likeable we are the chances of us being needed, important and popular. Shaping us to a person that everyone would like. Simply said a life on opinion of others. It goes relentlessly immoral when we indulge in attaining the perfect physique/figure by dieting and cutting down on our meals. Furthermore getting in a relationship where we believe happiness comes from that one person we are affectionate to and we manage to pressurise them to be everything to us in exchange of making us feel worthy. Resulting the relationship to end and leaving us devastating/heart broken. So, broken that we lose our sense of identity, the only reason being that we do not know ourselves at all. 

 

Going forward we heal ourselves listening to positive affirmations, reading motivational books and seeking methods to find our happiness for ourselves. Thus, realising our capabilities of being our own self. To rectify our earlier mistakes of letting these things to control and consume our lives we seek happiness around these things and never ever seem to find it. Overlooking the fact that happiness is something we create on our terms for ourselves. The world that we live in is something we create for ourselves regardless to worldly society we actually live in. It’s about an individual's world each and every one of us experiences. This is where we shape ourselves, our worlds and our lives too. There is only one part of the universe we can all be certain about changing and that’s ourselves. 

 

Self-love is a state of appreciation for oneself that grows from actions that support our physical, psychological and spiritual growth. Self-love means having high regards to your own well-being and happiness, taking care of your own needs and not to sacrifice it to please others. Self-love means not settling for less than you deserve.

I came across a wonderful book named Fifteen Invaluable Laws by John Maxwell. The writer summarising facts we often ignore quotes “As children our bodies grow automatically a year goes by we get taller we become stronger become capable of doing more things facing new challenges. But a lot of us carry a subconscious belief into adulthood. That spiritual, mental and emotional growth occurs automatically too”. Personal growth has to be intentional and we need to take ownership of our growth process because we do not simply improve by coincidence. It's only when we focus our energy on getting to know and spending more time by ourselves resulting in learning more about ourselves. We need to make ourselves a priority in our lives and self-discovery is the best gift we can present ourselves.

 

Many people may think putting ourselves first is being selfish but it actually means taking a stand, looking at yourself saying “I will do everything in my power to see myself succeed and fulfil my dreams. I am going to make the best choices in my life, surround myself with self-chosen correct people that add value to me”. Once we decide to love who we are, we can take that self-love and spread it to other's. Without self-love, we are limiting our ability to add ourselves into lives of other people and add value to them. Living the best version of our self inspires other people to follow to live their best version as well. 

 

The relationship we have with ourselves is priority and important. It is how we see and treat ourselves reciprocating to how we treat other people. It is irrational to give love to other's when we don’t love our selves first. We must now think of every person that surrounds us asking ourselves “are these people adding value or helping me grow into the person I wish to become”. Then finally ask to ourselves “am I adding value to me?” These two questions are crucial since people we are alongside life has major impact and influence in our personality, growth and development. Nevertheless, we ourself are the biggest impact and influence dwellers in our lives. 

So, if the answer to these two questions is NO, then let's decide today that we go through a transformation. If you decide to take that transformation do not just place a small amount of value to yourself since it is guaranteed that the world will not raise your worth. KNOW YOUR OWN SELF-WORTH. Concluding on a positive note, let’s start focusing, developing and improving ourselves for good thing will surely come along. It is about time you notice the gap between where you are currently and where you see yourself can be achieved only with constant growth. This thing called life happening alongside is genuinely difficult yet worth living. Wishing you all a life where you have high regards for yourself, prioritise yourself and appreciate your gift called life. Love yourself and the world will love you back inevitably.

Depression: A disease or an Epidemic of Modern Civilization

I believe DEPRESSION is tragically misunderstood word in the entire English language. The fact is Depression has radically tow different meanings depending on the context. So, everyday conversations when people say that they are depressed, they use depression as a synonym of sadness. It’s a normal reaction to the state of our lives making all of us know the pain of Depression. Yet clinically depression is a short hand for devastating illness which is known as Major Depressive Disorder. This is a disorder that robs people off their restorative sleep robs their energy, focus, concentration, memory and their abilities to enjoy the pleasures of life. For most individual it robs them from the ability to love, work, play and will also rob them from the willingness to live. Clinical Psychologists explain it as it lights up the pain circuitry of the brain to a point that if you happen to communicate with a clinically depressed person and they speak their heart out they will tell you it is torment, agony, torturous and many attempt death as a means to escape. Depression is the major reason that drives people to suicide and *India reported 381 deaths by suicide daily in 2019, totalling 1,39,123 fatalities over the year, according to the latest National Crime Records Bureau(NCRB) data.**Close to 800 000 people die due to suicide every year, which is one person every 40 seconds. Suicide is a global epidemic and occurs throughout the lifespan not pertaining to specific gender, tradition, culture, religion or race and it’s getting worse as the rate of depression is increasing generation after generation. So, every successive birth generation has higher rates of depression than that of which preceded it. Now is the time we need to understand what’s happening around the world and what’s behind driving this epidemic. 

 

What causes Depression is a question that is pretty complicated. There are articles after articles published that have given different factors that are implicated towards the onset of depression reasoning biological, cultural, social and behavioural. If we way through the complexity we do find a common underlying pathway i.e. a primary driver or trigger called the Brains Runaway Stress Response. In simple terms, it’s the flight or fight response we adapt to stressful situations we come across at times. This response has evolved from the earlier ancestors of the human race. It was evolved as a reaction to a predator, physical threat or any form of danger and they reacted with intense physical activity which may go on for a few seconds or minutes and in some extreme cases may go on for an hour and its completely a different behaviour an individual adapts and its completely fine if the mode shuts off when its supposed to. For generations the current generation the shutting off for the stress response goes on for weeks or months and at times even for a year. When the stress response remains on it is very toxic especially to the brain and body of that very individual. It is disruptive to the neural circuit veins in the brain many of us may not have even heard off but this dispersion can directly lead to something commonly known as CLINICAL DEPRESSION. If left unchecked it can actually damage the brain over time leading to inflammatory reaction to body and brain. It is clinically proven that an inflamed brain is a depressed brain.

We have understood about certain common diseases which now are mythically taken as hereditary diseases like Diabetes, Arthritis, Thyroid, Cholesterol, many form of Cancers and currently Clinical Depression is the new commonly heard medical issue. Medical Science categorises them as inflammatory disorders. They are epidemics in the modernised industrial world and can be termed as a lifestyle disease. Speaking of lifestyle comparing our urban culture to a below the poverty line existing in cities lead a very hard life. They have high infant mortality rate, higher exposure to parasitic infection, they do live around modern civilization but not in it they do complain, get angry but they do not turn their stress response mode and do not become clinical depressed as they still live a life based on daily wage format just like non-modern days, Hunter-Gathering method. Modern time life from the industrial revolution onwards is term Industrial Mutated Environment and has been a complete mismatch between the mind, body and gene we were born with the environmental reality. 

Dr.Stephen Ilardi, a professor of clinical psychology defines it as “We were never designed for the sedentary indoor, social isolation, fast-food laden, sleep deprived, chaotic pace of modern life”.

 

If we keep inducing and countering the epidemic with anti-depressant medicine in the system we are not going to fix it. The answer lies in change of lifestyle, I don’t mean to say we should go back hunting and scavenging for food or stop innovating and adapting to modern times. We simply need to practice Lifestyle Change. A minimalistic time daily given by us for us can help fighting the epidemic causing a supressing life and many times a dreadful end to life. We have varied stories of people ending earlier than their actual time. I wish everyone a healthy, beautiful and non-depressive life.

(*Ref:https://www.theweek.in/news/india/2020/09/01/suicide-cases-in-india-ncrb-report.html)

(**Ref:https://www.who.int/teams/mental-health-and-substance-use/suicide-data)