INFECTION TO PRICKLY EMOTIONS FROM OTHERS

Something I have experienced many times though didn’t realise then though later observed to realise a super common problem that holds an individual from performing to their potentials, keeping many of us from executing our best. It is the ability to regulate our emotions, depending on how allowing we are to a principle called Emotional Corruption.

Emotional Corruption

It is the pace at which we can influence the emotions of other people and make them as our own. The problem is most of us are highly sensitive to other people's emotions. Task completion or work performance either at work, leisure activity or at home will impact even with the smallest external factor. Although, we can learn how to avoid other people's emotions by becoming better at regulating our own.

The best possible and common experience is the pandemic due to the Novel Coronavirus outbreak. It evolved from Wuhan city in China and soon caused a state of a pandemic, now has a lasting impression figuratively and literally. So much that the method to regulate our emotions and avoid catching the emotions of other people, I will name it the “Viral Effect.” I have summarised that the coronavirus is just like us humans. They can be contagious, and if we are not careful, they can infect us and also claim others around us.

To understand how this processes in real life, it is essential to know what emotions actually are. There's two popular theories about where emotions come from, first theory being the Cognitive Appraisal.

Definition: It is the experience of an emotion we judge where our current situation aligns with our expectations.

Example: Let's consider you are on your way home to disclose your exam results and that you have topped the batch with your mother. You walk through the door, you find her sitting on the couch, but instead of “wha’s the result like?” She leave the room without saying a word. Now, that's not how you expected leading to the emotion of feeling annoyed. This defines Cognitive Appraisal.

The other theory is called Physiological Perception

Definition: The emotions we subconsciously assign to the physical changes in our body.

Example: Public speaking is the perfect example. Most of us usually have a weird feeling right before the talk or speech. Sweaty palms, confusion and moment of panic imagining what if you forget. Considering the last time you spoke you had the same feeling and the speech went well, you may define that sensation as the emotion of excitement. On the other hand say you messed up last time, you may now define that feeling as anxiety or fear. Basically, we overlay our physiological perception from our past experiences onto our current situation.

Moreover, the interesting part in both the theories is how we assess the emotions of other people. A section in the brain that processes emotion and memory called the limbic system is considered to be a non feedback system as it can be influenced by any external factor.

Think about this as passing by someone and without communicating or greeting, you could feel how annoyed or excited that person is? And then maybe you too felt annoyed or excited. It's an interesting concept to think about, because our brain is capable to pick up these subtle cues in our environment, which makes it possible for the other person's emotions to infect your emotional state.

Many people don't realise that every human being is affected by our non feedback system. Many people at work or on the same team inevitably catch feelings from one another. They share everything from jealousy to envy and worry to joy. The more connected they are, the stronger is the sharing of emotions.

Positive Consideration: If the team has a larger target to achieve but the captain regulates his or her emotions by staying grounded and calm, which increases the likelihood that the rest of the team will stay grounded and calm as well.

Negative Consideration: All it takes is for one person on that team to express a negative emotion for the whole thing to fall apart.

Now take a moment and think about how long you have held onto an emotion say irritation, especially after an encounter from a person who is agitated. Was it days? Weeks? Months?

The ideal situation, which improves team and group dynamics as well as individual happiness, is for everyone to control their emotional state by sending back the other person's emotions to them. And research prove that there's two common emotion regulation strategies that can be the best solution.

SOLUTION

The first method to regulate emotions is called Cognitive Reappraisal, where you work to reframe how you interpret the situation in order to regulate your emotions. Countering the first theory of Cognitive Appraisal explained above, you assign definitions to a situation based on your goals and expectations on the outcome. For instance, taking active steps like following social distancing, regularly sanitising hands and wearing a face mask to re-evaluate your outdoor activity in order to avoid being a victim in on-going the pandemic.

Training our brain to reframe is time consuming and needs dedication. This will not be easy as there are hints of truth within each of our thoughts. But if we work consistently on reframing, we shall be able to engage prickly people without being negatively affected by their mood.

The second method to regulate emotion is Acceptance. It is learning to accept a moment for what it actually is and not what you expect it to be. To explain this this, I will use a three-step framework: "OK; so what; now what." By saying "OK," you halt all additional judgment to the person or to the situation. You then allow yourself space to accept your physiological responses and your perception to what's happening. And once you've distanced yourself from your thoughts and your emotional state, then you can say, "so what" because this helps acknowledge what happened purely as an event. And as you transit to "now what" that adds that you have gathered enough information to be able to respond to the event.

Now most people can get to "OK " but struggle to get past "so what" because it can be difficult to detach our physiological perception from the situation. Now here's something essential to be kept in mind, acceptance does not mean that we are OKAY with what happened or that you even want it to continue. It means that we are able to take an aerial shot of the exchange and understand where the prickly spines are and if they're worth attaching to.

Now, both of these strategies are my favourites because they are powerful and effective, especially on the effects that they have on how we approach life and relationships. One study suggests that cognitive reappraisal tends to be associated with more immediate emotional relief in negative situations, whereas acceptance may be better suited for decreasing short-term physiological reactions in unpleasant situations. But the best part? Both of these strategies don't have to be separate practices. Acceptance and cognitive reappraisal can be used interchangeably in order to maintain emotional self-control. The key though to implementing them is to become self-aware when you become emotionally triggered by another person or event. And once you've consciously become aware of either your thoughts, emotions or physical sensations, well then you can practice either technique.

These may be common concepts, but they are definitely not commonly practiced. So by remembering the jumping Viral Effect, it will help you to be more self-aware and self-regulated. And in turn, well, you'll avoid getting pricked by ... a prick.

How Cultures Drive Behaviours

I was in Dubai. I was sitting by the JBR beach front which is one of the most visited public beaches in the city. Suddenly, a man came and sat next to me, and started talking to me, so I turned to him and I answered. Then I turned back and I asked myself, "Why is he talking to me?”. Suddenly, I realised, “Zohaib, you're becoming Indian.” So I turned to the man and I said, "Sorry, I live in a country where we have been guided that we don't speak to strangers.” In India, it is not that people don't speak to strangers or each other at all; though starting a conversation happens in a much more framed and thought over manner. I was not expecting this man as a stranger to come and talk to me. However, because I have spent my early childhood in the Gulf though another country where that type of behaviour is totally normal as there are Arabs and expatriates from various countries crossing each other regularly. However, my mental programming has changed soon after shifting base from Dammam, Saudi Arabia to Mumbai, India. My brain has been rewired, because during the last one and half decade I've lived in a secular country in south of Asia which is called India.

When you move to a different country, there are three ways that you can relate to the culture: you can confront, complain, or conform. When you confront, you strongly believe that your behaviours are the right ones. When you complain, you mostly isolate yourself into social bubbles of foreigners living in social structures with the society. And finally when you confront, you adapt your way to behave to the whole society, then you can truly benefit from diversity. But that implies that you are observing, learning, understanding the behaviours of others and adapting your own to fit yourself in the behaviours of the society you're in.

I was in the east of Saudi Arabia, in a beautiful region of Mecca and I was there with my parents for a pilgrimage. We were visiting the beautiful region where our beloved Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) first received revelations and divine messages revealed by angel Gabriel from 609-632 C.E. in a cave on Mount Hira (a.k.a. Jabal an-Nour), near Mecca. After the guided tour, we asked some more questions to the guide as he was explaining us with passion about the importance of the cave and then suddenly he stopped. He took a step to my father he shook him. And then he looked at me and said, "Why is he not interested in what I'm saying?" Because he was not getting the emotional feedback he was used to receive. He was seeing his emotional feedback through his own cultural glasses. The fact that my father had a neutral face on what it would mean if someone from his culture would have that face and that would mean that the person was not interested or didn't want to be there. And we all see the world through cultural glasses.The lens through which your brain sees the world shapes your reality. If you can change the lens, not only can you change the way your brain perceives behaviours, but you can change the way people relate to cultural differences. Embedded within that statement is the key to benefiting from diversity.

Gender equality and women empowerment in India and across the world has been an important consideration from many years now. There are strict reservations for female candidates in education, profession, politics and much more. However, the reason for such consideration is that the governments are putting in place a social culture where women and men are considered with similar authorities and this is equality of result. Everyone do not get similar opportunities to flourish to their complete potential, but the result is that we still have a balance in society. We enforce diversity, and there is a good reason to do this. Cultural diversity increases problem-solving ability. It increases creativity and innovation. The real challenge, to make people being able to communicate well together. And this done majorly through explaining cultural differences. 

Most people around the world are raised with teachings that they will contribute to a group or society and interdependent on their members. This affects the way people behave. Other parts of the world, especially the Western world, children are raised to be independent and to be self-sufficient, and create an independent individual in society, and it changes their behaviours.

The Difference 

The basic principle tells a lot about how we are going to expect a friendship to look like. In Indian culture the friendship is much stronger. People are closely bound and  dependent on each other, invited to every event or celebration which the very good friend will do. However, in other cultures, friendship are distant. On asking a Scandinavian about what a good friend was like they will probably reply "It is someone I can sit in silence in a room and feel comfortable." If you tell this to an Indian, they won't understand what the principle is. This is about friendship, love, and contact with people is one of the six basic human needs. If you're not able to see how this friendship and love is communicated to you because you are blinded by your cultural glasses, you will spend years believing you have no friends. You will spend years believing that people are rejecting you. It is about changing these cultural glasses. This is when you know that an Indian bus stop is full and that you need to stand.

What happens if you sit in the middle?

It could very well be that one of the two persons stands up, takes a step aside, starts playing on his phone. Now, what if you look different? What if you're wearing a religious symbol? How easy it is to believe that the person has moved away because you're of a different skin colour or of a different religion? A typical cultural misunderstanding and a very basic of human interactions: you've came into the personal space of someone who has a much bigger personal space. In most cultures in the world, there's place for 4 people on that bench. Not understanding these very subtle physical differences with people will actually lead to lot of miscommunication. 

It is quite understood and seen prominently in cultures also being able to feel the distance between people which varies in every culture not to forget to keep politeness as priority. Politeness is a concept which is very much culturally related. It's a group of norms and social codes that everyone obeys to, so that communication goes well in the society and in certain societies it is very strict.

You change the way - you're changing the words in the sentence.

In other places, politeness might only mean not to disturb others, to leave more space, both in friendship and physical space. And if you happen to move to another country where there is no one who defines you what politeness means, how can you expect that someone will behave.

The key here is to benefit from diversity.

Everyone sees the world through cultural glasses. It's not about what you see; it's about what you perceive. It's not about what you see; it's about what you perceive. And it is by taking small step that we will one day help the world to truly benefit from diversity.