INFECTION TO PRICKLY EMOTIONS FROM OTHERS

Something I have experienced many times though didn’t realise then though later observed to realise a super common problem that holds an individual from performing to their potentials, keeping many of us from executing our best. It is the ability to regulate our emotions, depending on how allowing we are to a principle called Emotional Corruption.

Emotional Corruption

It is the pace at which we can influence the emotions of other people and make them as our own. The problem is most of us are highly sensitive to other people's emotions. Task completion or work performance either at work, leisure activity or at home will impact even with the smallest external factor. Although, we can learn how to avoid other people's emotions by becoming better at regulating our own.

The best possible and common experience is the pandemic due to the Novel Coronavirus outbreak. It evolved from Wuhan city in China and soon caused a state of a pandemic, now has a lasting impression figuratively and literally. So much that the method to regulate our emotions and avoid catching the emotions of other people, I will name it the “Viral Effect.” I have summarised that the coronavirus is just like us humans. They can be contagious, and if we are not careful, they can infect us and also claim others around us.

To understand how this processes in real life, it is essential to know what emotions actually are. There's two popular theories about where emotions come from, first theory being the Cognitive Appraisal.

Definition: It is the experience of an emotion we judge where our current situation aligns with our expectations.

Example: Let's consider you are on your way home to disclose your exam results and that you have topped the batch with your mother. You walk through the door, you find her sitting on the couch, but instead of “wha’s the result like?” She leave the room without saying a word. Now, that's not how you expected leading to the emotion of feeling annoyed. This defines Cognitive Appraisal.

The other theory is called Physiological Perception

Definition: The emotions we subconsciously assign to the physical changes in our body.

Example: Public speaking is the perfect example. Most of us usually have a weird feeling right before the talk or speech. Sweaty palms, confusion and moment of panic imagining what if you forget. Considering the last time you spoke you had the same feeling and the speech went well, you may define that sensation as the emotion of excitement. On the other hand say you messed up last time, you may now define that feeling as anxiety or fear. Basically, we overlay our physiological perception from our past experiences onto our current situation.

Moreover, the interesting part in both the theories is how we assess the emotions of other people. A section in the brain that processes emotion and memory called the limbic system is considered to be a non feedback system as it can be influenced by any external factor.

Think about this as passing by someone and without communicating or greeting, you could feel how annoyed or excited that person is? And then maybe you too felt annoyed or excited. It's an interesting concept to think about, because our brain is capable to pick up these subtle cues in our environment, which makes it possible for the other person's emotions to infect your emotional state.

Many people don't realise that every human being is affected by our non feedback system. Many people at work or on the same team inevitably catch feelings from one another. They share everything from jealousy to envy and worry to joy. The more connected they are, the stronger is the sharing of emotions.

Positive Consideration: If the team has a larger target to achieve but the captain regulates his or her emotions by staying grounded and calm, which increases the likelihood that the rest of the team will stay grounded and calm as well.

Negative Consideration: All it takes is for one person on that team to express a negative emotion for the whole thing to fall apart.

Now take a moment and think about how long you have held onto an emotion say irritation, especially after an encounter from a person who is agitated. Was it days? Weeks? Months?

The ideal situation, which improves team and group dynamics as well as individual happiness, is for everyone to control their emotional state by sending back the other person's emotions to them. And research prove that there's two common emotion regulation strategies that can be the best solution.

SOLUTION

The first method to regulate emotions is called Cognitive Reappraisal, where you work to reframe how you interpret the situation in order to regulate your emotions. Countering the first theory of Cognitive Appraisal explained above, you assign definitions to a situation based on your goals and expectations on the outcome. For instance, taking active steps like following social distancing, regularly sanitising hands and wearing a face mask to re-evaluate your outdoor activity in order to avoid being a victim in on-going the pandemic.

Training our brain to reframe is time consuming and needs dedication. This will not be easy as there are hints of truth within each of our thoughts. But if we work consistently on reframing, we shall be able to engage prickly people without being negatively affected by their mood.

The second method to regulate emotion is Acceptance. It is learning to accept a moment for what it actually is and not what you expect it to be. To explain this this, I will use a three-step framework: "OK; so what; now what." By saying "OK," you halt all additional judgment to the person or to the situation. You then allow yourself space to accept your physiological responses and your perception to what's happening. And once you've distanced yourself from your thoughts and your emotional state, then you can say, "so what" because this helps acknowledge what happened purely as an event. And as you transit to "now what" that adds that you have gathered enough information to be able to respond to the event.

Now most people can get to "OK " but struggle to get past "so what" because it can be difficult to detach our physiological perception from the situation. Now here's something essential to be kept in mind, acceptance does not mean that we are OKAY with what happened or that you even want it to continue. It means that we are able to take an aerial shot of the exchange and understand where the prickly spines are and if they're worth attaching to.

Now, both of these strategies are my favourites because they are powerful and effective, especially on the effects that they have on how we approach life and relationships. One study suggests that cognitive reappraisal tends to be associated with more immediate emotional relief in negative situations, whereas acceptance may be better suited for decreasing short-term physiological reactions in unpleasant situations. But the best part? Both of these strategies don't have to be separate practices. Acceptance and cognitive reappraisal can be used interchangeably in order to maintain emotional self-control. The key though to implementing them is to become self-aware when you become emotionally triggered by another person or event. And once you've consciously become aware of either your thoughts, emotions or physical sensations, well then you can practice either technique.

These may be common concepts, but they are definitely not commonly practiced. So by remembering the jumping Viral Effect, it will help you to be more self-aware and self-regulated. And in turn, well, you'll avoid getting pricked by ... a prick.

WILL COMFORT RUIN OUR LIFE?

It was soon after I completed my Masters in Management Studies my internship of the last semester had converted into a full time job by now. I was the marketing and franchise executive to a Fitness Center with a nice salary (some amount of my own), annual bonuses, gym membership with a personal trainer and all the other perks. Everything was on track and on Monday, December 12^th, 2011 at six o’clock in the evening, in a small consultation room on the same floor, the Owner of the Fitness Center wanted to have a quick meeting with me and the sales manager which was pretty unusual since he always communicated with us stopping by the corridor. The meeting turned out to be even more brief than expected. He informed both of us that he has decided to lease the premises with business and asked us to discontinue from the very next day since the new management have hired their staff.

I’ll never forget how his words just sucked the breath right out of me. We left the conference room in a dazed state I went home straight into my bedroom and stared outside the window  for three hours before my dad knocked on the door calling out for dinner. While I could go on in vivid detail about how I felt, what it did to my self-esteem, my finances and so on. What I now realise is while that event created the greatest amount of discomfort I had ever felt, it was that discomfort, the departure from my ordered life that forever changed it for the better. The ordered life was to be stuck to one organisation with good salary and stable with scope of growth something like hat my father was already doing and so were my cousins of my age.

I believe, What Makes You Comfortable Can Ruin You, & The Only Way To Grow Makes You Uncomfortable.

Now I suppose on January 11th had somebody come up and said “Hey, getting fired is a good thing because now you’re really going to grow!” I probably would have punched them on their face. But pretty quickly I became motivated to start a new journey. And after a couple years off work with various other organisation in different job roles and finally to my current stress and pain management business. My partner and I had this realisation on how to illustrate and apply the science of discomfort and growth.

From the knowledge and the learnings from various modalities we practice we understood the the concept of "The Growth Rings”.

The Growth Rings represent living environments that promote or obstruct growth including everything right from your place of work, to even the safest environment called home.Consider the fish bowl and the size of a gold fish in its environment, and while the goldfish lives in a very safe environment it is also very limiting in every way. When placed in a more sturdy environment, a small pond.  This can result the fish could be eaten. This is us  -  the environments in which you work, live and play all are a proven fish bowl that dictates our growth. 

The First Growth Ring represents a low performing, low growth environment called Stagnation. Stagnation is understood by having to follow too many steps, permissions and details that choke creativity, independent thought and action. To imagine an environment such as this, think no further than our culture, family name & heritage driven family homes. Now the reverse of stagnation is chaos, also low growth and low performing, chaos can be caused by internal or external events or conditions. We see chaos occur at times in business mergers, natural disasters, and horrific events like 26/11. Chaos is having zero predictability or control over inputs and outcomes. 

Now the Growth Rings next to Stagnation is the most desirable environment. Knowing what to do or what is happening in the environment leads to a predictable outcome, and in predictability comfort is found. But comfort, is also what makes it so dangerous, because observation shows that any time you continually do something or even think about something the same way, you will eventually stop growing where this applies to every living thing . So, before you continue to limit the way you think and act, remember Growth ONLY occurs in a state of discomfort.

Now think about the power of the statement can absolutely state I wouldn’t be writing blogs today without my uncomfortable and disrupting day nine years ago. When you feel the discomfort, that means you’ve entered  the second ring.

Complexity the second ring is nothing more than change, but when your changed outcomes are no longer predictable, and it is the unpredictability that makes you uncomfortable. While most times our gut response to discomfort is not just “no”, but “never ever would I”, you can actually learn how empowering it is to consciously acknowledge discomfort. I know seeking discomfort sounds odd, but we have to learn to embrace it, because it’s the only environment where sustained growth can occur. To weave high growth complexity into the fabric of our lives, there are three primary ways it can be triggered:

Complexity trigger 1  -  It can be forced on you

When I got terminated I didn’t have a chance to stay in that state. Complexity was selected for me, and when this happens how much you grow depends on how you respond to it. Now, I could have remained angry and used it as an excuse, but learnt I am bad as an employee, and I’m much better off accepting the risks of running my own organisation.

Complexity trigger 2  -  Someone can help you get there

This is the role of parents, teachers, coaches and bosses, because left on their own people will consciously or subconsciously select the comfort and they then need to be pushed into complexity in order to continue growing. This is where critical developmental decisions are made. Because, if the parents, teacher, coaches or bosses would have intervened and would have wanted to know what is making us so uncomfortable, then they would have done everything they could to try to get us happy again. What these roles mentioned earlier would have had was removing the complexity. Well, the best part is everyone can trigger complexity at any time.

Complexity trigger 3  -  Trigger it yourself

It is the complexity of forcing people, communities or other larger authorities into discomfort, and the subsequent impact that can occur any time someone elects to move from the set possibility. So, it’s not the discomfort of losing a job but it’s set possibility you should fear the most for it is a threat.  

Concluding I would say the possibility disrupting people like Mahatma Gandhi, Bhagat Singh, Indira Gandhi, Ratan Tata and maybe even a few of us have already proven that it is not the complexity triggering individuals or events we should scared. It’s our own willingness to accept or seek discomfort that will demand the growth of not only you, but the entire world consisting people we are linked to directly or indirectly. 

As we all know the emeritus Chairman to Tata Sons and Tata Group Ratan Tata has been possibility disrupter of our time. From manufacturing and launching automobiles in India to outright purchase of Jaguar & Land Rover. In his early days completing studies in United States of America he had no plans coming back to India and join Tata Steel. He had been hired and working at IBM Computers for fifteen days until one day when his great grand-father J.R.D. Tata called him and spoke to him on the importance of working in their family business. Leading Ratan Tata coming to India and start working on the shop floors of Tata Steel. Today, Ratan Tata is an Industrialist, Philanthropist, Investor and is the most influential Business magnate India has ever seen. Think what if he would have either stayed back in the United States continuing his job or stayed back home while others ran Tata Sons and Tata Group?

Sitting on a comfortable spot can cost us possibilities of growth and later on in life we are left with regrets and complain about not being offered or picking chances that came into our lives before. So get up, quit your comfort and break the stereo type of set possibilities choose growth over mimicking or following someone’s life. The stories of people we have either read, seen or heard have played their part in their time. The phase we stay in is our time to shine. We shine as bright as them in our era.